As the year ends, many of us do a self-audit. This could be a mental checklist, a written note, or a letter from the future you timed to check things you had set out to do at the start of the year. Or just thoughts that lowkey hover over your head: “I thought I would have done that this year or achieved this by now” or even the self-deprecating “Oh well, another year of not ________”.
It’s so easy to fall into this annual self-shaming ritual. And it is even easier to jump into the “New Year, New Me” hullaballoo.
Listen, having goals and targets to work towards is a good thing. Having mental goalposts of where you want to be by a certain age or point in your life is commendable. It helps us, encouraging momentum and clarity as we set goals and targets to move toward our intended outcomes.
What I’m talking about are the goals that society imposes on us, and the goals we don’t meet – either or both of which coincide with that time of the year when we feel the extra pressure, comparing ourselves to other people or even previous chapters of us.
Finish strong!
Start the New Year on the right note.
“This is the Year of You!”
50% Off Your New Membership to ________
How many times do we come across marketing with the same messaging, telling us that as we are today, now, at this moment – is not enough.
You need to be more _______
You should be less _______
You must do _______
You have to try ________
This is the year you __________Why haven’t you ________
The noise can be so loud.
These are not voices or motivations that are coming from within. These are not nudges towards what will make us feel fulfilled. Many, if not most, of these messages that our brain is registering are ads. Ads for glow-ups, for overconsumption, for the way you are encouraged to look, smell, eat, wear, walk, drive, ride … it is exhausting!
And you know what’s more exhausting?
Being at the end of the year, at a time when days are short, dark, and cold, and you’re already fighting Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD, also called the Winter Blues) – and this mini-you pops up with a list as long as Santa’s except it’s filled with all your shortcomings, that you tell yourself and remind yourself of making you feel even worse about yourself because you are not on time for a made-up timeline by someone that is not you!
How about we take a different route? A self-audit of kindness. One that is gentle on our being. The one that helped you throughout the year. That showed up every day. That showed consistency and diligence in the very smallest of ways. That is less or hopefully no longer self-deprecating. One that comes to understand that you are exactly where you are meant to be in life and that the future will arrive on time.
Maybe the one thing we must do is not do any of the things we think we should.
How freeing would it be to be liberated of all these expectations we have burdened upon ourselves? What if, for a moment or two – we picked them up and laid them aside and thought, I’ll come back to you after the holidays. And after the holidays, maybe in a month, and then maybe let’s see how a full quarter would be if you didn’t carry the weight of the pressure that we have placed on our shoulders to be that perfect version.
And now that you feel lighter, as the burden of these shoulds weighing up down lift, what if you just kept going a bit longer? Make it a game with yourself to see how far you can go without the timeline someone else came up with.
Embrace the space you have created for and within yourself.
Breath into it.
Give yourself grace.
And when the need arises, fill it in, slowly, with thoughtful, intentional, meaningful goals.
Be the master of your fate.
The captain of your soul.
On your time.
On your terms.
Unsinkable is a non-profit that works on mental health through storytelling. Unsinkable also hosted a “No Shoulding On Yourself” webinar to discuss how to enter the holiday season without the burdens we put on ourselves. Click here to view the discussion.